This is YOUR fault, Voldemort!
by Technomad
Summary: I liked the Snape/Ginny fics, but they got me to thinking, and this came out. BEWARE! This fic contains references to the vile, unnatural act of LOVE-MAKING! If this bothers you, don't read it!


You know, I rather like the idea of Beneath the Hate by nortylaK

You know, I rather like the idea of _Beneath the Hate_ by nortylaK...you know, the fic where Ginny Weasley, age sixteen (and therefore legal in Britain) feels sorry for Snape at the Yule Ball and asks him to dance, and they end up falling in love. So far in my reading, they haven't done the

Wild Thing yet, but I can just imagine this scene, when HP, Ron, Hermione and Ginny finally have Voldemort cornered:

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT

a Harry Potter fanfic by Technomad

rated R.

Harry Potter snarled at Voldemort, who was cowering in a corner: "So, Voldemort! My name is Henry James Potter, you killed my father---prepare to die!" Voldemort cringed at the thought. His quest for immortality, and the things he had done, were proof enough that he feared death above all things on earth. Harry sneered at him, mockingly twisting the broken pieces of Voldemort's wand in his hands. "Remember how you took my wand, back in the Chamber of Secrets, Riddle?" Voldemort went even paler. "Payback's a real bitch, isn't it?"

"NOOO! Not that!" Voldemort whimpered, pleading pitifully. "I'm your pal, Harry! Your buddy! What have I ever done to you to deserve this?" Harry couldn't quite believe Voldemort's impudence; his green eyes widened behind his glasses. His friends growled with anger, as he began to tick off points on his fingers

"Well, you murdered my father, you murdered my mother, you forced me to live with those _bloody_ Dursleys, you tried to kill me nearly every year I was at school, you took my blood for your potions, you tortured me..."

Hermione, never one to be left out, chimed in: "You turned loose the Slytherin Serpent, you arranged for poor Harry to compete in the Triwizard Tournament, and you paralyzed _me_ with that bloody baslisk..."

Ron snarled: "You---or your bloody Death Eaters---ruined the fun at the Quidditch World Cup, you killed Cedric Diggory, who was a really decent person and hadn't done anything to you, you killed Moaning Myrtle, so the rest of us have to put up with her as a ghost _forever_..." 

Ginny piped up, her pretty face twisted into a snarl of raw hatred: "And not only did you kidnap me, but you killed the man I love---the father of my child!"

All of a sudden, things got very, very quiet as everybody, Voldemort included, turned to stare at Ginny. She returned their stares with composure, and even a trace of triumph. 

Ron whispered: "Ginny---did I hear you right? 'The father of your child?'"

Ginny faced her older brother defiantly, standing with one hip out, and gave him a mocking wink. "You got it, big brother---I'm _pregnant_! Up the spout! In a family way! I've got a bun in the oven! You're going to be an _uncle_, big brother---so get bloody well used to it!" She licked her lips salaciously, and Ron turned as white as a ghost.

Ron could not believe his ears, or his eyes. How had his sweet little sister learned about such things? In a choked voice, he asked: "You mean---you and _Neville---_you let him---???"

Ginny sneered: "Neville? As if!" She gave her brother a contemptuous look. "I thought you thought better of my taste than that!"

Ron stammered: "But---Voldemort killed Neville..."

Ginny snorted: "Who said anything about _Neville_? No, Voldemort killed the man I _loved_---and for killing Severus Snape, he's gonna die _slow_!" Turning toward the Dark Lord, who was staring at her, agog, she raised her wand, her face a rictus of hatred.

For a second, her announcement paralyzed everybody; then there was general consternation. Ron in particular was obviously having a hard time taking this idea in. He shook his head like a bull bedeviled by flies, his eyes not quite focussing as he tried to contemplate the idea that his sister was no longer sweet and innocent. 

Harry Potter shook his head, not quite believing what he was seeing. "You did _what?"_

Hermione shook her head. "I'd never have thought it---what did you do, dress up as a potion recipe to lure him to bed?"

Ginny purred, coyly: "Oh, I can be _very_ persuasive…would you like me to loan you some books on basic seduction?" Hermione gave her a very dirty look---okay, so she wasn't quite up to speed yet on what to do to drive men absolutely wild, but to be patronized by someone Ginny's age was intolerable.

Voldemort gasped: "I can't believe it---what's he got that I haven't got?" Ginny sneered at him, and held up her hands as though she were holding yarn that someone was winding into a ball, about a foot apart. Voldemort shook his head incredulously.

"Oh, come now…nobody's that, er, 'over-endowed'---are they?" The other males in the room were croggled at the thought. They looked rather envious. Ginny brushed a strand of red hair out of her face, and smiled reminiscently.

"Well, besides that, it just so happens that I saw him parting his hair---with his tongue!" 

Hermione's eyes widened, and she blushed. 

Ron croaked: "You did _what…_ with Severus…Snape?" He gurgled, not able to take in what he was hearing. 

Ginny replied, smiling smugly: "Everything---and a good deal more, too!"

Ron sputtered: "But---but how---how---"

Ginny smiled reminiscently and rather dreamily. "Well, it wasn't easy at first, but after I'd tripped him up, jumped on him and torn off our robes, the rest went swimmingly…all over the place! On the floor! In the bed! Swinging from the chandeliers! In the prefects' bathroom! All night long---and into the day, when we could get away with it! Every way there is and some that Caligula never heard of!" 

Hermione was shocked. "I thought we were _friends,_ Ginny…why didn't you ever tell me? You selfish, selfish girl, you. You despoiler of virginity! You…seducer of potions teachers!" She tried to look disapproving, but just looked envious, and a little curious.Ron whispered: "And you're having...his baby?"

Ginny smiled proudly. "Yes! My doctor says I'm going to have twins--my little Severus Junior and Severa!"

At this announcement, everybody was absolutely transfixed by the news. Spotting what looked like an opening, Voldemort said, fake-casually, "I guess I'll be toddling along now, no need to get into a family quarrel..." He stopped dead in his tracks at Hermione's expression. Hermione looked like Ivan the Terrible, if Ivan the Terrible had been an attractive young Englishwoman instead of an ugly old Russian.

"Not so fast, Riddle," snarled Hermione, "this is YOUR fault!"

Voldemort was utterly nonplussed. "MY fault? How is it my fault?"

Hermione snapped: "EVERYTHING'S your fault, Riddle! You stay right there! _Stupefy_!" At that moment, Ron did a real good imitation of Edvard Munch's painting _The Scream. _Putting his hands to his cheeks, he howled:

"AAAAAUGGGHHH! My little sister's not only pregnant, but she's going to have _Snapelets!_ We're going to have little _Snapes_ in our family!" He buried his face in his hands, and sobbed: "Oh, the disgrace, the disgrace!"

Ginny smiled, very smugly, and purred: "Oooh, I felt a _kick_! I think I'm getting a touch of morning sickness! La la la, I think I'll knit a pair of booties! Won't Mummy be pleased to see her first grandchildren? Don't feel bad, Harry---after a _ real_ man like Severus "Stallion" Snape, you look even weedier and runtier than you are! Good luck with him, Hermione!"

Hermione gasped, mortally insulted. "Weedy? _Runty_? When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your head off, you cow! You…seductress!" 

Ron turned on Voldemort, screaming: "This is all YOUR fault! _Avada Kedavra_!" Voldemort fell over, dead as a doornail.

Harry stared, shocked. "Damn it, Ron, you knew I wanted to kill him!"

Ron was in no mood to quibble. "Shut up, Scarface---if you'd just seduced my sister the way you were _supposed_ to, none of this would have happened!" Harry gasped: "How was I to know you wanted me to seduce her? I always thought that if I so much as touched her, you'd die of sheer embarrassment and shock!" Ron fainted from sheer embarrassment and shock. His sister looked down at him contemptuously. "Serves you right for being so mean to my true love!"

THE END


End file.
